Family choices part 1
Life is about making choices of the things you will and the things you will not do. When you choose to do everything, you end up being a mediocre person or family. What choices has your family made over how to succeed and live happily ever after?
If you are a Ugandan or regardless of your background, do you consider having a family as a critical element of your personal success? Does your family value children,Will you have children or will not? If you are to have children, when do you intend to have them? Do you want to adopt the children? You need to make sure that this discussion comes earlier.
According to our constitution, anybody who attains the age of 18 is an adult. It means at that age, you need to make critical decisions and held accountable. Do not suspend such conversations. You need to engage with your parents in such talks.
Once you decide you will not have children, you can focus on your career. When I look back myself, I realise that I did not have the chance to debate whether I will have children or not and if yes, how many and by what age?I thought these were issues to look at after completing university, and getting a job. May be I was wrong.
When you make a decision at a wrong time, it becomes so difficult for you to catch up. You might decide not to have children but at the age of 40 years, you realise actually you need to have them. In this case, it might be too late. It becomes very difficult in which case you have to adopt. It is also a catch when you adopt as the child should be too young else it won’t make a lot of sense.
In the next episode, we will look at: when you choose to have children, at what age do you need to start the conversation? If you want one at which age, when should you start talking to someone? You need to plan for these kind of choices so that you do not get into a crisis mode.
If you choose to have children, ask yourself how old are you now? If you are aged 25 years and choose to make this decision, they are two things that are going to happen.
If you have your first born at the age of 25, you will be aged 38 years by the time your child completes Primary Seven. This assumes that they are very brilliant. That may not be it. You will be aged 44 when your first born is completing Senior Six. By the time s/he completes university, you will be aged 49 years.
As a parent, you need to mentor your children and open doors for them. Your work as a parent is to invest in your children by empowering them to be able to stand on their own in future. This is why when I talk to parents in my private mentorship program, they talk about investing in their children. This is wrong. An investment is something that gives you increased value in future.
When you invest in your children, their hearts might change when they marry. As a parent, you take your children to the best schools not because you want them to come back and help you. It is good if they did come. That’s like a wind fall. You invest in your children to make sure they can stand on their own once they are adults. You want to ensure that for them to be able to be on their own, you give them a lot of support when you are still young.
Life is about making choices of the things you will and the things you will not do.
Our parents especially from villages have been able to enjoy life because they gave birth while still young. They are not like our generation where we have been misled by wealth. We focus on making money at the expense of making strong family relationships. Many new couples are failing because one of the partner is trying to make of money. They got married to a partner not because they have a strong relationship between them but of money. Once they see money is not coming as expected, the family begins getting cracks.
However, when the partners begin a family together, have made money together, you find there is strong bonding in the family. Of course at the end of the day, people become greedy, and want to separate. But we do not want such instances to happen. Successful marriages have a background of a humble beginning.
This is why making choices of when to marry, when to have children is key. I am sure when you begin making these decisions, you will have a strong family. If you are going to be happy at work, you must first be happy at home.