Today marks seven days into the New Year. What plans do you have for your family?
Whether married or not, the following insights are essential.
“I knew I was happily married, until she told me that she was leaving.” I said to where? She replied, “I cannot continue like this. I gave you all the prime years of my life, only for you to torment me. Enough is enough. I cannot stand another year with this kind of treatment. You are so insensitive. You only see the small mistakes. Everything else you don’t.
That was what a friend explained to me as his new year’s shocker. I thought she was joking. I returned home and found the house empty.
What are you doing to ensure you are at par with your partner and other people you live with? You need to find time and be open about the following to avoid surprises. Most of the time people think that just working hard and having money is what partners need. That is not all you need.
- How do you manage finances in your family? Research shows that couples that met while still young and struggling and worked together tend to stay longer as they share special experiences. However, couples that meet, with one more well-off than the other tend to be more attracted to each other by material things NOT genuine love per see. When conditions change, these tend to want to move on. If one had money and loses it, the other party easily jumps ship. OR if the other party loses the physical beauty they originally had, it causes a problem. So start small. Be patient. Work together, slowly.
- Then issues of whether to help dependents or not, to put property in joint names or not, to operate a joint account or not etc. must be discussed and agreed. Who buys food at home? The rule of thumb is, agree on what works, for your family.
- This has everything to do with the mind and heart. Doing things together increases trust and respect. Pray together. Plan together. Eat at home together with the children. Be open about money. Problems arise when one of the couples is insecure or mistrusts the other. This is a bad state. Do things that bond couples. Password your phone, but share the pass code with your partner. Disclose your salary so that you don’t get high expectations. Remember lying about income arises from having lied of how well off you are at the beginning. And invest in your sex life. That is why you got married in the first place. Do exercises. Consult trusted elders. Be clean. Make your home a great place to be. Make it so great that the other person looks to returning home early.
- Fix small things. Who washes the other’s pants? Who bathes first husband or wife? Do we use same toothpaste? Press in the middle or bottom down? Should maid serve food on the table or she remains in the Kitchen? Should maid or shamba boy clean bedroom? Rule of thumb is your table and bedroom are private to only husband, wife and children. Next time your maid asks your husband how great the meal was, you have one to blame. You. Set clear boundaries. You don’t want to make it easy to access your bedroom illegally. E.g. maid may well start serving your husband breakfast in bed, as you (wife) go early off to jog
Wish you the best of 2017 in the year of the family.